| 055; 30 August 1980 |
[Sunday
August 30th, at 6:20pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]I have not slept properly in over a week and I am noticing that I cannot keep track of time. I no longer know what day it is. I can't remember the last time I had a decent shower or had time to eat a proper meal. How are we expected to stand sixteen hour shifts and then report to work immediately after? I have patients who are relying on me to be able to give them the treatment they need. They do not want to be here forever and I certainly do not want them to be here forever.
On top of my duties to the Dark Lord, I have my duties to society. I have sisters to look after, a woman to court and apparently, in spite of all the work I have done, the only thing that can be done is to critique my style of dress. Have these people nothing better to do? I could think of a great many things with which they could occupy their time more meaningfully. I am growing weary of peoples' trying to make a mockery of my family and me. That I have had very little rest to speak of lately is not making my patience any better.
But Peter is back. I should take pride in this minor success, but I am not so sure I would not trade it for a night's worth of rest now.
[END WARDS.]
I cannot take criticism seriously from a source which encourages the public to disregard the sanctity of marriage. Witch Weekly has always been a less than credible, sorry excuse for a publication, but this is beyond objectionable. I would not put it past certain women to attempt to engage in immoral behaviour with married men, but as men, it is our duty to maintain order and uphold decent standards of propriety. Without our morals, we are no better than animals. Perhaps anyone who has read this blasphemy should consider that before they act on the advice of a harlot.
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| 054; 22 August 1980 |
[Saturday
August 22nd, at 3:32am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]I have avoided thinking about the last week or two but I suspect that it is beginning to catch up with me. I have not felt quite so foolish in months of working diligently for the Dark Lord. All of the work that I have put into nearly all of my patients at the rehabilitation centre has been completely for nothing now that the majority of them have been reclaimed by the vigilantes. I suspect that James Potter may somehow be involved, but since I have no evidence to support the idea, I will just say that it is bad enough that his treatment was rendered ineffective, perhaps by careless handling.
Maybe I was only convincing myself while trying to convince others of the effectiveness of the centre and my work there, but I must admit that I thought I was beginning to see some real progress and that I was truly making a difference to the lives of those under my care. Would their quality of life not be better after rehabilitation, assuming this war will end someday? Have I not only overestimated my abilities, but done more damage than good? Who remains? Miss Hall seems well enough and Mrs Burke is still here, but the others do not appear to have retained much of anything since their time spent in the centre. What have I been doing all these months? Even Lupin did not make an appearance for our last scheduled meeting. Perhaps they figured it out. Maybe my efforts on him were not enough. Maybe I just wasn't trying hard enough.
I have to remind myself that giving up would be practically suicidal at this point. I do not know where else to go or to whom I can turn when I feel as though everything I have worked so hard at establishing -- for my patients, my sisters and myself -- is disintegrating around me. I may have been promoted, but what difference does it make when I am finally realising how futile everything I have done has been? How can I try to start again or somehow maintain that the rehabilitation works when all I have seen from it has been failure or mild success?
Our Society -- the one in which I have placed far too much of my stock and faith -- is becoming some sort of circus. Displaying dead bodies for the public to see? Killing children, even Pure-bloods? Owling children to terrorists? Are we out of our minds? The Inner Circle has been acting no better than children and Mr Lestrange is no longer with us to demand order or at least intimidate everyone into behaving -- and if he has been killed, I am sure it is only a matter of time for the rest of us unless we can stop this foolishness and behave as the pillars of Society we have always considered ourselves. I do not want to die. The vigilantes must be stopped. The terrorists must be stopped. And why has the Dark Lord not intervened? Can he not see that we are in need of guidance? Is he so disappointed in our shortcomings that he has all but forsaken us?
What is the use?
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO LAVINIA TRAVERS.]I am not feeling well this evening. Would you fix a glass of warm milk for me when you come upstairs? I assure you that I will be fine. Some milk and a decent night's rest should do the trick.
[END WARDS.]
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| 053; 16 August 1980 |
[Sunday
August 16th, at 12:51am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS.]The Rehabilitation Centre is under attack again. Please send assistance immediately. It really is just one thing after another these days
[END WARDS.]
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| 052; 15 August 1980 |
[Saturday
August 15th, at 3:33am] |
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Lavinia, I was browsing through store windows in Wandsworth earlier and I saw a dress that I think would be remarkably flattering on you. Perhaps we can return there tomorrow when the shops are open for business.
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| 051; 12 August 1998 |
[Wednesday
August 12th, at 10:27pm] |
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The rudeness that is not only tolerated but encouraged by so many is astonishing and infuriating to me. Perhaps it is simply because I was not raised to mention such inappropriate things in mixed company or at all, but the baseless mocking of a young woman's propriety is perhaps the most repulsive behaviour I have ever seen. Should the Ministry feel remorse for having triumphed the downfall of two very notorious criminals when their own ilk simply further exacerbates the impression of delinquency? I would think just the opposite would be the case -- it is only further justification for making an example of the Longbottoms, whose crimes against society make this a matter of justice rather than defamation. Terrorists ought to heed this admonition. The Ministry has done everything in its power to treat its criminals humanely, but such disrespect should not be condoned.
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| 050; 04 August 1980 |
[Tuesday
August 4th, at 12:01pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO BELLATRIX, CORBINA, MARIUS AND RABASTAN LESTRANGE.]I informed Mrs Burke of Mr Lestrange's death and she begged me to speak to you on her behalf. She would like to be there for the funeral and is willing to adhere to any circumstances you set in place, including the Imperius Curse, though since she would not remember anything that way, I do not see the point. While I consider this just the delivery of a message, for the most part, I will say that to the benefit of her sincerity, she has been asking for Mr Lestrange from the moment she arrived here, going so far as to write his name on the wall in her own blood, according to the Mediwitches who bandaged her. I will inform her of your decision, whatever you decide.
[END WARDS.]
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| 049; 03 August 1980 |
[Monday
August 3rd, at 12:21pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS.]Demetrius, you have a spy in the DMLE by the name of Petra Podmore. She and her husband, Sturgis Podmore, are vigilantes. I suggest we find a way to remedy this situation immediately.
Also, Sirius Black is dead.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO BELLATRIX LESTRANGE.]Longbottom. Frank Longbottom.
[END WARDS.]
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| 048; 27 July 1980 |
[Monday
July 27th, at 10:40pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]Placeholder.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO JAMES POTTER.]There is a patient at the centre with whom I would imagine you are familiar. Tabitha Bagnold. I do not think that I am privy to the sort of lingo that will help me get through to her. I would very much appreciate your assistance in speaking with her.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO AMYCUS CARROW, FERDINAND GIBBON AND MARIUS LESTRANGE.]How are your plans for the new publication progressing?
[END WARDS.]
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| 047; 22 July 1980 |
[Wednesday
July 22nd, at 7:12pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEMETRIUS MULCIBER.]Have you ever wondered what the purpose of our ranking system is if those who do not respect it are simply coddled rather than punished for their impertinence? For what little it is worth, I think that yesterday's decision by Mr Lestrange was regrettable. Let us hope that it does not cause any further dissent.
[END WARDS.]
I regret to inform the public that Mr Greyback has been re-admitted to the rehabilitation centre for several days' worth of rest. The last few months have been terribly hard on him since his re-admittance into society. When imagining that one must tolerate the vilest of public scrutiny and baseless accusations made so frequently by terrorists who want nothing more than to see this man ruined in the name of past crimes for which he has already paid and will spend the rest of his life paying, it is not difficult to imagine the sort of pressure under which he has been. Additionally, the Ministry has given him a very great responsibility by assigning him a position in the DMLE, to which he is entirely suited but not accustomed. He has been affected by the terrorist propaganda stating that the Ministry is run by Death Eaters and unfounded rumours that Ministry officials planned to turn against him. Under duress, he has become vulnerable to stress and paranoia causing a minor breakdown yesterday.
Currently, he is being well taken care of and is recovering quickly. I ask for understanding during this difficult period of Mr Greyback's transition. Greater men have succumbed to everyday strains and this one will be re-released from the rehabilitation centre as soon as he is well-rested enough to do so.
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| 046; 21 July 1980 |
[Tuesday
July 21st, at 8:13pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO FENRIR GREYBACK.]Mr Greyback, Mr Lestrange has suggested that in lieu of your presence over the next few days, we try to find a way to explain this to the public to make it look as reasonable as possible and so as not to call into question the 'rehabilitation' of the other werewolves. I think that it would make perfect sense to say that you have had something of a breakdown under the continued scrutiny of the public and your new responsibilities to the Ministry. And perhaps we could explain your written statements as the work of a manipulative traitor among your ranks, whose influence led you to suspicion when coupled with the aforementioned circumstances.
Your absence could be called a brief rest period in the rehabilitation centre to assure that you are in good health and stable state of mind, after which, you will presumably return to your post in the DMLE. Naturally, I will have to trouble you to play the part once again, though after pretending to be rehabilitated, I have no doubt that you are fully capable. Assuming this is agreeable to you, I will make a public statement on both your behalf and the centre's later this evening.
[END WARDS.]
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| 045; 20 July 1980 |
[Monday
July 20th, at 11:04am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO JAMES POTTER.]Are you free for dinner tonight? I have convinced Seraphina to make a meat pie using a recipe that I have had very good luck with in the past. The last time it was made for me, I was not hungry again for hours afterward.
And if you like, you could bring your broomstick. The moors are nearby and in spite of the wind, they are a very nice place to fly without being seen and the sunsets there are always exceptional.
[END WARDS.]
At least the vigilantes chose a nice picture of me to put on their posters, though the accusations are, of course, entirely false. I should not be surprised that when one tries to do good for his own country that he should face scrutiny; however, it is still a bit of a disappointment. I suspect that over time, I will grow more accustomed to baseless criticisms until I am simply not bothered at all.
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| 044; 18 July 1980 |
[Saturday
July 18th, at 1:13pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]I feel as though, with each day that passes, things are becoming stranger and stranger. I suppose I ought to simply stop thinking about what is happening and try to deal with it as best I can as it happens. I do not know whether to be flattered by being invited to Lestrange Manor or to feel as though I am being toyed with. The potential for humiliation involved with the latter has me feeling nervous and uncomfortably vulnerable. If even Skeeter, who seems a bit of a tart to me, can insult my wardrobe in a publication, it leaves me to wonder whether or not the rest of them are having a great laugh at my expense as well. I cannot afford to match them in their highfalutin inclinations and I now understand that I only make a fool of myself if I try. And yet, I am still not sure which is worse -- appearing as a poor man comfortable in my station or a poor man who pretends he is not poor at all.
Hopefully I will not need to concern myself with such things for some time. I cannot imagine that I will be invited back to the Lestrange Manor anytime soon.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEMETRIUS MULCIBER.]I would like to apologise. Your mother seemed particularly upset by my abrupt tone when I asked her to cease gossiping about my family. I admit that I may have been somewhat rude but whatever they had said to my sister worked her into hysterics. She was so upset that I was forced to give her a Calming Draught simply to keep her from becoming too overwrought.
I plan on speaking to your mother myself, but I thought that since we are frie friends, I owed you both an apology and something of an explanation as well. I did not mean anything disrespectful to either you, your father or mother, but when I feel there has been slight against a member of my own family, I will do what I must to rectify the situation. I hope that you understand and will not hold it against me.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SOCIETY WOMEN.]I feel as though I owe each of you an apology for my rudeness the other day. I was reacting hastily in response to my sister's distress and chose my words poorly. It was not my intention to offend and I apologise if I have done so.
[END WARDS.]
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| 043; 17 July 1998 |
[Friday
July 17th, at 2:32am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SEVERUS SNAPE.]I have thought several times to envy you for being made Inner Circle at both your age and before me, but after having breakfast at the Lestrange Manor this morning, I am not so sure that I am as eager to reach that point, if it is in my future, as I once thought I was. I am beginning to think the entire group is no more mature than the younger generation of Death Eaters sans competitiveness. I am quite sure that Mr and Mrs Lestrange disappeared mid-way through the meal for something I am not entirely comfortable thinking about.
Though, speaking of which, I do not believe I ever asked you how your wedding night went. I hope that it went as well as you were expecting.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO LAVINIA TRAVERS.]Are you feeling well this morning? Mrs Malfoy has requested tea with you. While I am hesitant to let you go after yesterday's rather unfortunate events, if you would like to go, I am sure that Mrs Malfoy would be a very gracious host.
[END WARDS.]
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| 042; 16 July 1980 |
[Thursday
July 16th, at 6:51pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO FIRST GENERATION DEATH EATERS.]Sirs, this is quite forward of me and perhaps a bit out of place but I seem to remember some of you expressing agreement with me in the past on the matter and I find myself in need of some advice. I do not know if you have seen the anonymous slander written earlier in Ms Savage's entry, but it has created quite a stir, both upsetting my sister and causing the society women to discuss the possibility of my father having beaten her, which is, of course, asinine. But that is beside the point.
My predicament is this: we both know that women are naturally prone to bouts of hysteria -- it is no fault of their own, but simply the way they are. Bearing this in mind, how does one handle the aforementioned hysteria when it occurs in a women with whom one is hardly familiar (it would be a far easier matter if the woman in question was, say, my sister, whose variations in mood are commonplace enough for me to already know how to calm her), particularly in the event that the hysteria is directed at oneself? And also, when one believes that a woman is in a state of constant hysteria, causing her to act in a horrendously unflattering way, is it appropriate to address the matter on the spot (seeing as the woman in question is never in a state of normalcy) and how seriously should I take her threats to 'strangle me with my misogyny'?
Naturally, no woman will ever admit to her own hysterical tendencies, and maybe I am unaccustomed to hysteria that I do not know how to control or quell, but my patience has worn quite thin. I keep hearing of this elusive woman who is not completely mental, and though I concede to the fact that some women are less mental than others (and perhaps the madness of some is easier to handle, given my level of fondness for the woman in question), but I must ask -- does such a woman exist? And if she does, can she even be considered a woman? I am in a state of perplex.
In short, Araminta Meliflua is infuriating. I do not like her. Not one bit.
[END WARDS.]
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| 041; 16 July 1980 |
[Thursday
July 16th, at 3:58pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SOCIETY WOMEN.]You will cease whatever conversation you are having about my family immediately. Your rumours have no founding and you are upsetting my sister very much. Please dispel whatever notions you have about my father abusing my sisters. My father is not capable of hurting anyone, nor would he ever have the desire to do so. Please, each of you exercise some subtlety. I will not have my family's reputation tarnished over a complete falsehood spread by an anonymous coward.
[END WARDS.]
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| 040; 16 July 1980 |
[Thursday
July 16th, at 3:58am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]I need to stop reading those Witch Weekly articles. The last one I read was rather more than disturbing. I do not like to consider dreaming about relations. That is not to say it has never happened, but it is an uncomfortable thing to think about, let alone acknowledge or write about in a publication. And then the bit about the man she knows dreaming about his sister. Well, that is somewhat reassuring, actually, but even thinking of acknowledging something like that is even more uncomfortable. Even if it is only evident of protectiveness and the like. Yes, protectiveness.
Our purist publication will not speak of any such thing.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO RITA SKEETER AND JEREMIAH SMITH.]I can imagine that you have both found new places to publish articles since the Daily Prophet was destroyed, but if either of you are interested, I may have a new opportunity for you.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO AMYCUS CARROW, FERDINAND GIBBON AND MARIUS LESTRANGE.]I have an assignment for the three of you. Florence Hall is one of the patients in the rehabilitation centre and was a former writer for the Daily Prophet. Since their headquarters have been destroyed and they are no longer publishing, we will need a new publication to take its place. Whatever monetary needs the project demands will be met. The three of you will be in charge of setting it up, choosing a location for its office and seeing that it runs smoothly.
I am currently trying to recruit some of the other reporters formerly affiliated with the Prophet, but if you know of other reporters who could feasibly write for us, I suggest you attempt to recruit them as well. Naturally, it would be best if their ideals aligned with ours, but so long as you monitor what is published, in that it is pro-Ministry and the like, it should not be cause for concern.
[END WARDS.]
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| 039; 29 June 1980 |
[Monday
June 29th, at 9:38pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS.]There are multiple intruders in the rehabilitation centre. I do not know how they got in but I need assistance immediately.
[END WARDS.]
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| 038; 26 June 1980 |
[Friday
June 26th, at 7:40pm] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO THE INNER CIRCLE.]I have been trying to determine what to do with a number of the patients at the rehabilitation centre at the moment and I think that I may have an idea as to how at least one might be handled.
After the radio broadcast yesterday and the previous destruction of the Daily Prophet, it might be useful for us to begin our own publication that we can monitor from start to finish. As you know, Florence Hall is a patient in the rehabilitation centre and a former reporter for the Daily Prophet. Following her treatment, perhaps she could begin writing for such a publication and perhaps she knows of some of the other reporters who were occupationally displaced by the fire and might be persuaded to join such an effort.
I am not entirely certain what would be necessary to develop such a publication but I am sure that the information could be acsertained if necessary.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO EVANGELINE MACNAIR.]I apologise for my sister's alarm and curious behaviour last night. I assure you that there is nothing about which you should be worried.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO TABITHA PRYCE.]I would like to speak with you.
[END WARDS.]
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| 037; 26 June 1980 |
[Friday
June 26th, at 1:06am] |
[WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.]I have done a great many stupid things in my life but this may possibly be one of the most notable lapses in judgment that I have ever had. I should not have listened to my sister and instead taken care of things as I had planned on doing. There is a reason why women should not advise under stress, but I cannot fault her. It was my own mistake for allowing myself to be swayed. I agree with Demetrius -- he deserved it. It is my own opinion that the Burkes deserve the same thing, though perhaps their connections will keep them from harm or punishment or any consequence. There are times when I wish that my own father were a Death Eater among my elders. Perhaps then I would not be so concerned for my safety at the moment.
Though this has been an extremely unpleasant turn of events, it does bring something to light. If we are being listened to, there could be many other such blasphemous conversations overheard. Though I have no plans to betray the Cause and nothing at all to worry about them overhearing, I think I will still search our house for anything suspicious that might be a listening device while I am still able.
[END WARDS.]
[WARDED PRIVATE TO DEMETRIUS MULCIBER.]Though I am in one piece for the time being, I suspect that it is only because tonight has provided us all with ample distraction. Should anything happen to me, could you please take care of or at least periodically check in on my sisters? There is no one else that I trust with this task.
[END WARDS.]
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